Black-Eyed Suzie by Susan Shaw

Author:Susan Shaw
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Astra Publishing House
Published: 2002-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

I walk down to the pond with Joshua under trees of red-tinged green. My feet drag, but I walk. Joshua talks most of the time, saying whatever he happens to think. Right now, he’s talking about soccer.

“I’m the goalie on my team,” he says. “You should see me stop those shots. Nobody can get one past me.”

I used to play soccer, too. It seems like a long time ago, before the box closed so tight. Whistles and running, running, running across the field. How did I ever do that? Now my legs are heavy. Walking is hard. Forget running.

It’s tough being here with Joshua. I look back at the green bench where I so often sit. I don’t like being so far from it. Something like a magnet makes me want to be there. Sitting, quiet and alone. That’s what I’m supposed to be doing. That’s what I’m best at.

Stella’s sitting there now. Of course, her knees are down, and her feet rest on the grass. She would look funny with her knees under her chin in that blue skirt and her bright orangey lipstick. But how come she doesn’t have to sit that way? How come I do? Why does that have to be my job?

Stella smiles at me. She makes a sign that I should stay where I am. I know she thinks that if I sit less, I’ll break the habit and forget about it. It’s not just a habit, though. It’s what I do, like drawing or singing or gardening is what other people do that they don’t know how not to do. And it’s such a fight to stand or walk or do anything else.

“I’m feeling a lot better,” says Joshua. “I bet I’ll be home as much as I want real soon.”

I don’t think they’ll let me go home until I stop sitting, until I start talking. But don’t they know they’re the same thing?

Karen’s right. I’ll never go home. I can’t do what they want. Can’t. I have to be the way I am. And what is so wrong with that, with sitting quietly? They don’t tell me that. They just don’t want me to do it. Why does it bother them?

“I like you,” Joshua says. “I’ll miss you. You’re my friend.”

How do you know this?

What he says suddenly means something. My friend is going to go home and not come back. I’ll miss him so much!

Oh, these tears!

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